going back to coming out.

so i was out to my family. dad he was happy as long as I was. Emma was ok with it also .
Mum on the other was difficult you could tell she was building things up but not saying anything really so one weekend dad had gone to visit granddad i could have gone to but i decided not to and mum didn't feel up to it . ad been out for most of the day knocking round with my mates in the city centre didnt know it well so i just visited places also it was boiling hot day when i got back home my neck was red raw forgot about sun cream. mum went mad when she noticed it I mentioned its only a bit of sun burn but she kept on at me . so i did what a normally did went to my room stayed out the way for a bit .
Bit later I came back down see what's for tea.
Shall we get a take away tonight?
Grate mum ?
Alriht what u fancy egg fried rice chicken in lemon source please mum smileing
she always knew what i liked :).
while she was ordering i was looking for something to drink in the fridge she must have herd the door open because she shouted help yourself to a larger if you want
Thanks mum TBH the warm weather gave me a hell of a first .
settling down in front of the telly watching blind date she comes in
God i hate her
who mum
her that cilla black cant stand her she wants to remember where she came from .
turn it over then mum
nar its alright

after we ate tea id had a few larger s and mum asked hows your neck has a look god that's gunna hurt tomorrow you know better put something on it comes back with some lotion and begins rubbing it in to my neck .
Mum is everything ok?
yer why u ask
just think you've been a bit quirt towards me mum
is it because
i know your gay am jut a bit worried about about you
theirs no need to mum am happy
but what if something happens when other people know your gay you could get hurt .
i wont mum am not gunna put myself into situations that id get hurt anyway.
id still be in them situations if i was straight mum?
silence

Mum do you wish i was straight ?
it`s perfectly normal mum to be Gay

I know its normal and am really proud of what you're doing and am sorry i haven't told you that yet but i am we both are .


that convocation only lasted a few mins but it broke allot of ground don't think mum fully understood till she caught me doing something later that year don't ask :).

for Malcolm McLaren

last week the music industry lost a grate pioneer Malcolm McLaren was responsible for giving the uk punk with the sex pistols who he managed and gave them the opportunity
to be different to be themselves . the result was THE SEX PISTOLS they were only together about 3 years but during that time they encouraged others to follow suit and countless acts did like the jam . the clash , buzcocks ,the fall,joy division the list is endless . am not saying the he was personally responsible for the success of these bands but in the beginning he gave a band the exposure they needed and see what happens.
Malcolm`s funeral is today in London his family have requested fans find the loudest track they have and at 12 noon play the thing at full volume as a mark of respect of a grate man .
i have chosen something that i herd years ago could have choose anything but this is
something different

YouTube - Kashmir - Led Zeppelin

sunday roast

Am stuffed been out at Carls parents since 10 am bit early for a Sunday but what the hell.Carl`s parents are really lovely people.
Tina his mum i love to bits can have a laugh with her and T B H shes always looked out for me making sure am alright known her since i was 17 when i knew Carl i occupationally stopped over .

his dad rob is ok plays golf allot not my thing golf .
but like Tina has looked out for me they say i bring the best out of Carl put a smile on his face i try my best :).

we have had several conversations about my mum & dad i can talk to them well most of the time i just tell Carl he should be grateful he still has them around am sure he does appreciate the effort that they make towards me .

had roast lamb today always been a favourite of mine followed by jam roly-poly spoiling me now lol

had several bottles of red wine so best leave it at that


ps really don't wanna sound as if am ungrateful but i would appreciate a few more comments its not important but i do like your comments

xxx

record shop day

Was reminded before that yesterday was national record shop day a day to encourage music lovers or collectors to visit independent record shops not HMV or zavid same thing different name owned by HMV . More privet shops who sell cd`s vinal or LPs at and a fair bit cheaper than major shops who tend to charge full price between £10-12 .

When i was in my late teens early 20s I spent many a Saturday going with dad to little music shops most had second hand cd sections dad would spend ages just looking thro the classic rock section for various stuff like Beatles, stones ,kinks, who, to dad it wast`nt about MODS V ROCKERS it was about appreciation of the music dad had collected records since he was a teenager growing up in Liverpool in the late 1960s and in the space of about 25 years he had collected hundreds of albums some are a bit on the weird
side like frank zapper or early pink Floyd to more better known groups.

later years he discovered cd`s which dad used spend Saturdays doing browsing record shops and record fairs and Sundays he searched car boots like huge secound hand markets mum had encouraged him to at least some of his collection as his cd+ vinals =
allot of room dad sold a whole bunch of them to a collector about 300 altogether Lps
and singles for £300 all of witch went on other cd`s mum went spare lol .


today the privet cd collector shops have gone second hand cd shops hardly exist today

as for todays technology downloads mp3s I pod`s and the internet not sure what he would think well i do but best not repeating it

just like mary poppins

so the past few days av had the cleaning bug and trying really hard to involve Carl to do the same not easy cral`s never been one for being tidy around the house usually me who cleans or make Carl do it he`s only just started using the washing machine.
But he is trying his best bless him .also we have been shopping for new curtains duvet covers
and furniture all of witch have to match and blend in with everything else am a bit

fussy like that can take me hours to arrange one room witch winds Carl up no end lol.

says am like Monica of tv show fiends lol am not that bad am sure . we spent several hundred pounds on new stuff i say we was more Carl but i will pay my bit if he likes it or not . were going to carls mum and dads tomorrow for Sunday lunch love a big sunday lunch not the same with just two of you his mum is really nice calls Carl names ad never get away with his dad loves golf, cricket,usually fall asleep watching either of them on tv

works much easer now the managers back so glad of that makes my work so much easer

comeing out to mum dad granddad

November 19 92 it was my 16th birthday when i decided to tell everyone else so i thought. but Emma thought i should tell dad and granddad together and not on my bithday either as it would spoil my day she also suggested i tell them by myself CHEERS EMMA
so the morning after the party nothing big just a few friends i thought i was wrong about an hour before all my cousins turned up in a big minibus about 12 altogether some i hadn't seen in years Craig and his brothers were there. no paddy tho!was a really nice party no fights no police called nothing .
next day when they all went home i knew i had to do it dad and granddad were in the lounge watching something mum was out. was really scared now Emma was upstairs just in-case lol so i go in to them
dad -granddad got something to tell u.
what is it lad?
me- i need to tell you both something don`t be mad please.
what you done now?
me-i haven't done anything dad am erm gay.
say that again son?
am gay dad-granddad am sorry
am now sat next to them
granddad says why son why are you sorry?
me i dont know granddad wasnt sure how you`d both take it
dad-have you told your mother yet?
me Emma asked me not to
dad how long she friggin known ?
me am sorry dad.
granddad you`ve done nothing wrong so why be sorry?
dad so you are planning on telling your mum then ?
me of cores dad .
dad me dad`s right youve done nothing wrong son am not disappointed ?
grandad fucking hell what you going to tell your mother ?
dad do you want me to do it son ?
me no dad i gotta do it with Emma
dad mutters thank fuck for that and start laughing
me so you alright with it then .
dad as long as you dont tell me what you got up to .
grandad and as long as your safe lad ?.




this went better than expected i fell mum was next later on as dad took grandad back to liverpool


I ask Emma if i cud do the talking if she stayed about which was ok


mum can i talk to you
about what?
me mum ive got something to tell you.
i knew something was up?
me mum am gay .
get away your not ?
me mum am gay stood next to her with arm on her sholder.
how?
me how do u mean mum.
well how do you know your gay ?
me becoz i like boys mum .
like kissed boys?
me yes mum i have .
have you told your dad
me i told him and granddad before mum.
what did he say.
me he didnt say a grate deal mum just that av done nothing wrong and he`s not mad at me .
Emma he`s been really grown up about this mum honest are you going to tell uncle peter her brother .
why should i have to ?.
me mum ?
forget about uncle alright ?
me crying mum i dint mean to .
FORGET IT ?




YouTube - The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode Lyrics

Again something playing all the time at the time
uncle peter was my mums brother didnt see allot of him much dad wasn't keen on him.
he was also the only contact we had with mums family lived in Ireland heavy church goers and would have been really mad if they knew there grandson was gay. they took the view that gay people will burn in hell ......



like to say it was all plain sailing but it wasnt took about 6 month before they excepted it .

how i came out part one EMMA

Ok in 19 92 i came out to my family i came out to my sister Emma first in summer holidays i was 15 years old Emma was 21 and had a flat in Liverpool mum and dad and me had moved to Nottingham that January.
Also granddad was in Liverpool not far from Emma s so she was able to check on him
Nan had died in the October 91 so i wanted to have some time with granddad i know he missed nan we all did he was fine as long as he kept busy was helping him decorate the house .

also i missed my sister not easy to say a 15 but i really did and i knew i wanted to tell her wanted someone on my side first and i thought she`d be supportive .

I had a few cousins i wanted to catch up with Craig was one he was 17 and always got on well with him we`d talked allot lately missed him allot homesick i think also he had a mate paddy fancied paddy allot we had wanked one another off and took it a bit further camping the previous summer sucked him off exc

anyway one evening i was out with my cousins and had been drinking round at theirs larger bit of vodka was pissed as a fart when i got back to Emma s at half 11 wasn't happy that i was pissed want to go and kick my cousins head in but she did see the funny side to it i knew i had to tell her and didnt have a care in the world in that state so i sat down next to her and mumbled Emma am gay she didn't respond so i sed it again nothing by now am getting a bit mad so i shouted FUCKS SAKE EMMA AM GAY.as loud as i could I she thought i was having her on WHY WOULD I KID YOU ABOUT THIS EM.
and stormed off to bed was crying when i got to the room few mins later Emma comes in the room . SORRY EMMA BUT I AM Emma sat on the bed with me and squeezed the life outa me she asked me things like how long have i been like this, who else knows , have you sed anything to granddad yet, no Emma only told you at moment .BETTER NOT TELL FUCKING GRANDDAD THIS COULD KILL HIM YA KNOW. must have been there talking for over an hour just chatting she occupationally got mad at me but i think it was more shock.

next morning i woke with the mother of all hangovers then i remembered what id told Emma and thought OH FUCK WHAT HAVE I DONE . Emma was out when i got up didn't know what to do just thinking what do i do now she came back a bit later i was shitting myself who`s she told .

got something for ya theirs leaflets about Aids, STD, and having tests , and a box of condoms Emma who have you told about this crying again. bloody no-one its not up to me is it i would like you to be honest with me tho sat next to me have u had sex with anyone yet you don't have to tell me it up to you no Emma honest just other stuff that's alright then but you will be careful wont ya .

i ended up staying a few days longer than i expected and i did tell her about the previous summer and who with thought she go mental and threaten to break his legs
usually does even today .

looking back i think if i was right to come out then should i have told mum ad dad first . it was fine i had Emma on my side and it brought me closer than ever to her

the vdeo i posted reminded me of that summer it was on everywhere and brings back fond memories about that summer . i felt i had grown up a bit in them few weeks
and a huge waight had been taken off me



YouTube - Rhythm is a dancer

dru